Jul 14, 20223 min read

Bittersweet

15th July. Oh you will always be one of those weird, bittersweet days for us. One that brings a wave of mixed emotions. Joy, pain, gratitude, sorrow. New life, and lost life. And I never know where to let my mind rest with it all. It seems on this day I'll just be riding those waves.

2 years ago today Henry received his life-saving bone marrow transplant. I'm sitting here right now amazed at how time has passed so quickly, and also how well Henry has done this entire time after all he went through. His life was ultimately reset in a sense, and he now has this renewed energy, and health, and is full of life. Watching him grow is my life's greatest privilege and I'm forever thankful to God for tasking me to be his Mum. Joy doesn't even come close to how I truly feel about the journey we have been on. Yes, there is that thread of pain that runs through my mind and heart when certain memories rise, but the joy overtakes. And I believe the more time passes the thinner that thread will become as the joy keeps growing as I witness Henry truly thriving.

We had a call from the lovely consultant in Bristol, Oana, yesterday afternoon for a catch-up. I'll be honest, initially, when seeing or speaking to her I felt a real heaviness as it brought all the pain reminders back, almost like a trigger that transported me back to the ward for Henry's treatment. But yesterday it was different. I felt more settled and so filled with gratitude for her and all she has done for us, and her love for Henry. She talked us through his last blood results which were all normal, some tests that need to be done in the future, and things to bear in mind for when he gets older. Although she reassured us that his immune system is now normal, and since he is now 2 years post-transplant, his body can fight off all that any other child can. And hearing that gave me such peace as Henry has actually been sick for the last couple of days and my mind spiraled into constant anxiety. Thankfully he is on the mend now, but a slight temperature spike made me freak out a little and that number-watching obsession started all over again. Having her reassurance has put me at ease, and messages from amazing friends sharing God's truths keeps my head focused on God's faithfulness and all that He has done already for us, and continues to do!

The bitter part of this day is a year ago I lost my Granny when she was 105 years old. When I say that I still can't believe what an amazing age she lived to, and all that she lived through and witnessed. I miss her so much. I was chatting with my Mum last night about her and shared memories of her laughing and funny facial expressions she pulled to make us laugh when we were younger. She truly had such a hearty laugh, and a true heart of gold. I am still amazed she had 5 of her own children, and 3 step sons to raise, mostly on her own as my Granda died when my Mum was only 13 years old. Oh, and she also worked too! Thinking about that in comparison to me working and having one son, it truly makes me speechless and I have no idea how she done it all!

Her violin is sitting beside me, I've listened to one of her favourite songs 'Danny Boy'... and as much as I miss her deeply, I smile at all the happy memories I have of her. I'll never forget the following words she shared with me when I was very young, and they continue to stay in my mind to this day... It is no secret what God can do...

It is no secret what God can do What He's done for others, He'll do for you With arms wide open, He'll pardon you It is no secret what God can do There is no night for in His light You never walk alone Always feel at home Wherever you may go There is no power can conquer you While God is on your side Take Him at His promise Don't run away and hide It is no secret what God can do What He's done for others, He'll do for you With arms wide open, He'll pardon you It is no secret what God can do